Tuesday, May 3, 2011

And now for something completely different:

I am secretly attractive, I've figured out.

Secretly because no one notices right away.  They wait for something, something they don't tell anyone, and I certainly don't know what it is until after it's been pointed out to me.

You see, I know lots of strange trivia no one cares much about, I also watch fairly unknown shows to most people, I like fast, pretty cars, I know a scary amount of strange facts that rarely does anyone care about it until I spout it off like a teapot boiling (work with me here).

The reason I bring this up is because recently, my life has become inundated with very attractive young men.  And one fluke, but we'll not go into that too far.

One of these young men is coming into town this weekend.  You see, dear reader (I think you're actually plural now, but I'll refer to each of you individually), I have only met this poor young man once before, when I was with my best friend in her hometown.  We met up with him to go to a dollar theatre for a movie none of us really cared too much about because the one we really had wanted to see was sold out.  I met him at his house, where he happened to be watching a favorite show of mine.

This show is called Top Gear and while they have an American version now, the British (or original) version is MUCH better.  He was watching, and rightly so, the Brit version.  Luckily it was one I'd seen parts of, so I wasn't too torn up about not being able to finish it.  But my friend had never seen this show and was terribly confused.  I figured this young man wouldn't be able to properly explain the situation to my friend, so I went ahead and gave her the rundown.

She said he looked at her and his jaw dropped open.  He asked how I knew all of that and I told him it was one of my favorite shows and that my parents liked watching it.  My friend claims it was at that moment he fell a little in love with me.

So you see, I'm secretly attractive.  He hadn't found me very interesting until I explained the show to our mutual friend, and suddenly I was the sexiest thing with legs.

Another example would be of a young man whom I'm trying to dissuade from liking me.  You see, I have a strange idea of what "attractive" is, most times.  He fit into that, so in the beginning, I was all for him talking to me.  And then when he did, he started revealing he was more of a dork than I am really willing to get involved with.  Not to mention that anything I had a  positive opinion on, he had a negative opinion on.  I couldn't understand why, then, he thought we had similar interests.  So I tried pulling away gently and politely.  I tried having my friend -- who has an honesty problem and can be kind of a bitch to people she doesn't really like, and neither of us liked him much at this point -- give him a mean let down.  He has not taken the hint very well.

But again, it's because I am secretly a big dork that he's attracted to me.  I shared too much of my dorkiness and he got too bold.  I was emboldened by Top Gear Man, and didn't realize that there were dorks out there who would be much more dorky than myself, more than I could, or would want to handle.

I'm currently waiting for the young men in the band at church to fall for me.  I just need to be bolder about speaking in front of them so I can share a minor dorky tid-bit about myself and they, too, will suddenly fall around me like flies.

In other words, as Spiderman's aunt told him, "With great power comes great responsibility."  I must use my powers of secret-attractiveness very wisely, and only for the greater good.

Till next time, dear reader,

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