Two days in a row I post something. I'm on FIRE.
Haha, or waiting for that study buddy again. She's nice, but we're still new to each other, and it comes across loud and clear sometimes in the way we attempt to navigate social protocols, etc.
Well, she navigates them and I flounder uselessly at the surface until I remember how similar situations are handled in movies and television. They wouldn't be in the media if they weren't based on something in reality, right?
Okay, so I wanted to actually mention something that I probably touched on yesterday (about new crush SZ who I Facebook stalked today and so now he's going to be ZD for Zazzy Dude because I'm awesome). And I don't explain things very well, but I want to try.
What first drew me to him was a) he's super freakin' attractive. Face shape is symmetrical, he's got huge shoulders and arms, but he's not lacking in other areas, fitness wise. He's not tall, but he's not shorter than I am, so we're good on that front. b) he's smart. He's a business major, he wears glasses sometimes, but he usually wears contacts because apparently he's about as blind if not more blind than I am (why do I consistently find really attractive men who cannot see?), he does some nerdy things, but he likes sports too. He's tidier than other guys and willing to help with housework.
And here's the kicker. On Sunday, there was a big shindig for the group I hang out with (I've mentioned it a couple times, it's where I know him from, even though we really haven't hung out much, all I've told you is all I've learned about him while we were hanging out). Lots of people. More than half of which I did not know. And if you know anything about me, you know that I am really not very good at these types of events. Luckily I had a buddy, who I'm going to call MM for Marvelous Miss. (I'm gonna need to do an name update post if I keep meeting people!) We both are not large fans of lots of people in small spaces. Which is what happened at this party/cookout thing. So we kind of migrated to the emptier of the rooms as the night went on, alternately planning a drinking night for after exams and complaining that no one was leaving.
We're not very good at parties, but where was I going with this? Oh yes, so we'd step outside, we'd head upstairs to her room, we'd be in the kitchen for, like, ever, we even went to the basement and folded clothes because there was just no where else to go where you weren't shoved into awkward social situations with people you have very little in common with except a vague belief in a deity with varying levels of intensity of that belief.
But at one point, after about half of the extra people had left and there was a little more room to breathe, and the life-sized jenga had been put away, we wandered into the foyer to pass ZD his folded clothes, and then MM goes back into the kitchen and I'm watching them put away the jenga set and ZD turns to me and we've been exchanging smiles and extended looks for a couple weeks now, but he says "Where'd you go? You disappeared."
I played it off like the cool person I am (which involved hunched shoulders and a sheepish grin as I awkwardly made a joke about my innate camouflage ability I made up on the spot), but I'm going to let you in on a little secret.
That has never happened before at a party. NEVER. EVER. I've even TRIED. I'll step off without telling anyone I've left and come back and no one was the wiser.
I hadn't even really spoken to ZD all night and he NOTICED I WAS GONE.
And this isn't even mentioning the fact that last week he hadn't been at the group thing (not unusual, busy guy, what with the fraternity and business classes, etc.) (I also wasn't terribly upset about it because I ended up crying because I cannot handle the world right now, and it's been really stressful for the past little while because I want everyone to be happy and I can't actually do that, but the point is that I wouldn't have wanted him to have seen that, because I don't cry pretty) but he came back before I left (like, five to ten minutes before) and BioGuy (Do you even remember him? He's gonna be GJ For Good Job because that's all he can really do is a Good Job. not a great one, not an awesome one, just a good one. he's adorable and I've officially/unofficially declared him to be my younger brother so that he can be KW's honorary older brother and I have someone who will be able to help her out if I'm more than five to ten minutes away from campus) had just left to go sleep or eat or watch television or talk to his girlfriend or something, and so I was on my way out the door, and ZD and I are still in the kitchen and he kind of wanders over to the door as I'm walking out and I still feel kind of shitty but I've gotten past the stage where I can't hide it so I can hide it and I don't look terrible anymore (not good, but not bad either), and as I'm stepping through the door, he goes "Hey, I'm sorry I wasn't here tonight" and I was just like, he didn't say that to anyone else, why is he telling me? What? and I, again, play it off like the cool person I am and I say "No problem, next time, right?" and it occurs to me later than he maybe wanted to hang out with me more.
This was supported by his actions at the shindig which, when more people had left and it was pretty much just the people who live in the house plus me and three other people, (so...six of us I guess is the number I'm looking for), he hung out in the kitchen and chatted with me and MM.
And I don't know enough about him to know if that's how he acts with every girl, or not, but he just...
He's moving out of that house, but I don't know if he's graduating or not, and if he is I don't know if I'll ever see him anymore, and I'm like -- you couldn't have shown an interest in me BEFORE now? REALLY?!?
I don't even know if he is showing an interest. I'm just--
Why are guys so complicated?
Study buddy is still not here yet, so I'm gonna write some more, but I'm going to change the subject because you all really probably don't care about my crushes.
It's 3:14. Time for pi. Too bad I really don't want to work with circles or math.
Okay, I give up, I've sat here for like 2 minutes after writing that last sentence and I haven't thought of anything else to say.
Until Next Time, Dear Readers