So I wake up this morning at 5, and I'm like "Really? I have two and a half more hours until my alarm goes off. PLEASE let me sleep some more." And I fight the heartburn I'd apparently been battling all night but because I'd woken up now I had to notice it (my body hates me, luckily the feeling may or may not be mutual) and manage to get back to sleep. My alarm goes off two and a half hours later and it was the hardest thing waking up and getting the motivation to hop in the shower (I'd sat down last night before getting a shower which was a bad thing because then I couldn't get back up to take a shower until this morning). And when I finally did all of that, I managed to get dressed and make myself feel mostly alive for school this morning. I walk out of the house, get in my car, realized I didn't have any cash anymore, so I couldn't grab a drink from the vending machines at school. I debated stopping at Sheetz first, but I was like "Noooo, not quite enough time for that nonsense, better just get my ass to school" and I get here, and I rock out to "Build Me Up Buttercup" because I'm an awesome person, and you wish you knew me IRL. I walk all the way up the hill, get all the way to the classroom and what do I find taped to the door?
"Oh hey, random student, your 9:05 class you woke your ass up for is actually CANCELED today. We're not going to email you about it before hand, because that would have made it easier on you. No, you get to find it out now, after you've already arrived at the school."
Needless to say, that's why you all get a post today.
And I still didn't get a drink. I suppose when I'm done with this post, I could walk all the way down to the bookstore and see if they've got anything I can buy. Or I can wait and hit up a fast food joint on my way back from my second class and not worry about that bullshit.
CHANGE OF SUBJECT BECAUSE I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE MILD ADD.
I attend this group on Sunday nights sometimes, and one of the "adult" leaders (older than the rest of the college students who attend. He's a great guy) has asked us to, as a personal project, write down what we believe and why -- but to think about it, but do it over the next couple of weeks.
Like an essay thing.
And I'm like "Well, hell, I do that all the time" so...
What I believe:
I believe that the entirety of the infinite universe was created by a single, all powerful, completely omnipotent, omnipresent being whose existence we cannot comprehend with our tiny, finite minds.
Why do I believe that? Because if all of this is an accident, what's the point of trying to save it? And that's all the human race tries to do (when we're not trying to destroy it all). We try and save the planet, the environment we live in, ourselves, the creatures we interact with. If our purpose is to save all of that, we must have been given this purpose for a reason by something bigger than ourselves.
I also believe that we are a collective consciousness of all of the cells in our bodies. Cells are living things. They have their own agenda. Some of them just choose to work together to create tissues and masses and living things bigger than themselves. If you've ever heard the comment "Neuroscience is just the brain trying to understand itself," that's kind of where I draw that belief from. Cells form little communities and as a community, they make decisions, and sometimes parts are hurt or hurting. Sometimes you get bad cells and they wreak havok upon the community. There's always the whole "Body of Christ" thing I was grown up with.
Every single person is part of the Body of Christ. Some are good. Some are bad. We work together to form a consciousness, a comprehending of the God-being. Some of us have some pretty whacked out ideas (not saying they're wrong, just not the accepted ideas of the entire community). Some of us have very traditional views. Again to go back to the cells: We could consider cancerous cells to be the crazy-cult cells. They're not "wrong" they just mutated into something that isn't accepted by the rest of the body. And all the cells are different. Some of them serve the same purpose (all your skin cells protect the rest of your organs from icky things that could infect it). Sometimes they interact very closely, sometimes there's kind of a huge gap (the brain cells do not touch any skin cells, which personally I just realized). But they're all important. Some cells die, but they're replaced by new cells.
The community of your body -- the society, if you will -- grows in its knowledge of itself. At first it's a bunch of like-minded cells who work together to create for themselves the differences that will make them a useful, functioning body. Like a group of pioneers.
Oh man, this is getting intense. Okay, best metaphor EVER. Let me keep going over it to show you WHY.
We'll start with the egg and sperm cells. You begin as two completely separate entities. A single cell created by your mother, and several billion created by your father. They're placed in the same environment and forced to coexist together somewhere with moderately habitable conditions. A good number of the sperm cells die off because they didn't have anyone to shack up with and create a living space that they could survive. The one sperm cell and the one egg cell that do (sometimes two of each, if you were a fraternal twin) find one another survive. And then they start growing. First there's just the two of them and they make a single cell with a full set of chromosomes and DNA, etc. And then they start reproducing. They create more and more cells that are essentially the same as them. We'll say children with the same, completely flexible skill set (because that's how you are able to survive on the frontier, being flexible with your skill sets). And then they start branching out into the different, more specialized skill sets. Some become bone cells, some become skin cells, some become blood cells, you get the idea.
And only together with all of the different skill sets needed (think like, leader, doctor, brute force, etc.: walking dead, or an RPG game) can they become a functioning "society" of cells. And they will grow and have more of those different skill sets. And all of the things you experience in your life is the experience of the community. Your consciousness (as I see it anyway) is the history of your body and how your society of cells handled whatever came your way. And this is really, really hard for me to think about because we already know I have fourth-wall issues. But I'm going to keep going because this is fascinating.
Just like the society we live in is the collective consciousness of what's happened to the human race since the beginning of time, and where we are now, how we think, react, etc, are the product of society's reactions to those experiences, good, bad or otherwise.
I hope this makes sense to everyone else and isn't just coherent in my head. I will gladly answer any questions you have in the comments section if this isn't clear.
Back to the original subject, I also believe in fate, destiny, and the fact that there are certain events in life we cannot escape from, and this fate was set out for us by the all-powerful creator God-being.
I believe there is a certain extent that some people can predict the future, but because God created us to have the free will we all so firmly grasp to because we can't have someone control our every move, sometimes that future changes, and it depends on what we really want out of life. And also because there are things that must happen to us to make us the people we need to be.
I also believe that we don't die until we have learned what we need to out of life. That's why some people survive things that most other people wouldn't have, and why other people don't survive some things. Why bad things happen to good people and vice versa, essentially. Because bad people still need to learn, and sometimes people learn faster than others. And also those events happen so that the rest of us can learn too. We're learning.
Like...Like the story of "The Egg." Essentially we learn from what we live. Frankly I don't know if I'm gullible or just open minded, but I'm inclined to believe just about everything to a certain extent. And certainly there are limits to how much I agree with this story -- the universe is infinite and we certainly aren't the only life forms, so the pool of experiences implied in The Egg is incredibly understated there, but I mean, other than that, it could be.
And if that's the case, where are we going next, was that created too, is this just universe-inception here and are we just going to keep being born?
Is the light at the end of the tunnel just the end of a vagina? Like, these are things I seriously ask myself sometimes when I'm contemplating the existence of the universe and my beliefs. I'd say sorry you have to listen in, but at least this is incredibly more entertaining and thought provoking than my usual self-deprecating whinging.
This is as far as I'm going today, because after a certain point I'm not entirely sure what I believe, and I start asking all sorts of really difficult questions, and they're mostly rhetorical because I'll eventually learn my own accepted answer someday.
Until Next Time, Dear Readers,