Monday, December 10, 2012

Review: Home Made Pore Strips

Okay, so if you ever took a look at my youtube history, you'd know I have this crazy obsession with pore strips and pimple popping (yes, that part of youtube).

So when I found this particular how-to on Pintrest, I have to admit I was intrigued.  Pore strips have never quite worked out the way I wanted them to.  I'm not sure if it's just that I'm not seeing it in 100000000000000000000000000x magnification or if I just don't have that dirty of pores (I feel like I do though, so I thought they ought to work better), or if maybe, just maybe I've been doing it wrong.  However, as a poor college student who doesn't drink her milk (probably why I never quite reached the 5'4" mark...) buying milk for the use of approximately 2tbs was kind of pointless and also a waste of money.  And plus, what would I do with the leftover gelatin?

Well, I went grocery shopping today.  Guess what I broke down and bought?  Yeahhh, of my few impulse buys for the year, this was one of them.

So I tried it out.  I'm horribly messy and my aunt is coming by tomorrow to help me clean my room, but in the mean time, I dug out one of my used hamburger helper microwave bowl things (you know what I'm talking about) and washed it out to use as the disposable container, since I figured she used it for a reason, probably that gelatin is a bitch to clean out of things you want to use.  I also didn't have a plastic spoon, so I'm really hoping the cleaning I did on the one I used will do, otherwise I'll just be having gelatin on all of my food I eat with that particular spoon for the rest of forever.  Or I'll have to break down and use the dishwasher.

So I mix it up, and I added too much milk the first time.  NBD, just add more gelatin.  Too much gelatin.  Just a touch more milk. Perfect!  Then to the microwave for 10 seconds.

And she means ten.  Any longer and I might have had boiling milk-jello-mixture instead of luke-warm milk-jello-mixture.  And apply directly to your face.  Apply directly to your face.

Apply directly to your face.  I did it.  I used my fingers since I wasn't sure the spoon was actually going to spread it around.

I can't move my face right now, but it also hasn't been 15 minutes.  Okay, I can move it a little bit, but not much.  I'll wait a little while longer, until the urge to peel it off becomes too great for my OCD.

Until then you're going to get the live review.

It smells weird.  I guess it smells like milk and unflavored gelatin.  But it smells weird.  Not sure if I like it.  Feels gross going on, too.  Like you're spreading sandy boogers on your face.  Not terribly pleasant.

Feels like I've got a mask on (oh wait, haha, I do) I really want to move my face because I can't.  It's terribly inconvenient.

I think a smell should be one of the first things you say about a product, no matter what the product is.  It's terribly important and can change a person's life and/or perception of the product.  Like this stuff, smells like icky.  Not a particular icky, but just an icky.  Like sour milk, or the milk jug if you didn't rinse it out before you put it in the recycling.  So sour milk and plastic.  But maybe not so strong?  It's more like the occasional whiff of it.

It doesn't go on clear either.  It's not like, opaque, but it's certainly not transparent.  It dries clearer, though.  And feels really heavy.  I didn't even put that much on I didn't think.  Maybe I did...uh oh.  My whole face is going to come off...I didn't even think about that!

Well, if you see me next without a layer of skin, just call me two-face.  (NOTE: FOR YOUR SAFETY, DO NOT CALL ME TWO-FACE WHEN YOU SEE ME NEXT)

I may have also put some a little too close to my eye skin.  It feels weird under my eye when I blink.

Has it been 15 minutes yet?  Maybe that's why none of the pore-things work out for me.  I'm too impatient. All I really want is to see the results, but in order to get the results, you have to wait...

I could solve this.  I could watch pore-strip videos and wait until this is all dried...that could work.

Okay the 15 minutes HAS to be up by now...I can't move my face hardly at all...I'm gonna go peel this baby off.  See you in a bit.

So, half an hour later, most of my facial hair removed (including what I'm sure is about half an eyebrow betwixt the twain), and looking like a crazed burn unit patient, I realize I should probably remember next time I decide to put something sticky on my face that I'm actually part Italian Wookie, and that it's a bad idea if I haven't shaved first.

I've tried rewetting down what's still on my face, so I can attempt to get the rest off later.


I'm sure this works really well for normal girls who are not part Wookie and/or Mountain Man.  I have come to the conclusion that I don't actually have blackheads, I just have pores that get filled with dirt from time to time, but that doesn't actually come out.  As I should have learned with just about everything else I've tried.

Seriously, though, Don't do this if you have more than average hair on your face where you're applying this stuff.  I lost my muttonchops for this review.  You're welcome.

In any case, I always say don't take anyone else's word for it unless they're a doctor with certified medical degrees.  Or a nurse.  Always listen to the nurse, unless you've been a pain in the ass up until that point, in which case, listen to her anyway, but know that it's probably a punishment and not actually a treatment.

Oh my GOSH this hurts so bad.

Until Next Time, Dear Readers.

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