...This layout isn't exactly my cup of tea. I think it's just because I was used to the other way and now they've changed the whole damn thing. Eh, whatever.
I hate when people I want to like and be friends with do shit that makes me not feel bad about them anymore. It's those people who post annoyingly depressing facebook updates I'm talking about specifically right now.
See, I have this friend and well call him CD for...idk, Cool Dude, or something. Anyway, point is, he's posted mostly statuses of his girl troubles for YEARS. I finally got up the gumption to talk to him, hoping to relieve some of the self-inflicted girl pain for him and get him to know a girl who isn't a shallow bitch trying to get into his pants and bring drama all the time.
So what does he do? He responds for a little bit and then now when I try and say hi, I get no response. He's still out there, posting his passive-agressive facebook statuses, but he won't talk to me.
So I think I'm just going to let him dig his own hole. Great guys are always going to get turned down if they always ignore the girl trying to be the good friend and date only bitches n' hos.
Urg...
He's always asking for places to be on the weekend, and I've told him we should hang out, but I'm leaving it at that and if he really wants someone to hang out with, he can still get in touch with me, but I'm sorry, partying is not where I want to be right now, and certainly not with the shallow, insecure, drama-bringing girls he normally hangs out with. I just won't deal with it.
Buh, sorry to rant in your faces guys. I'll try to chill out about it.
Hey, guess what?! We got our house cleansed by GL's bestest boss in the whole entire world, and I haven't had any of those night terror/ghost things since!! We'll just keep hoping it stays that way :)
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Things that Terrify Me (1/?)
Over the course of about two weeks to a month, I've had a number of episodes where I will be partially awake in my bed and unable to move. During this time, I can feel the bed moving and I hear things, most commonly voices. I feel terror and dread, usually, and I cannot move much or speak. I have come to the conclusion that I am experiencing some sort of sleep paralysis or night terror, and normally I can will it away by forcing myself back to sleep, or by fighting it off by imagining myself surrounded by a bright white light of protection.
Last night I had about four or five episodes, scattered between dreaming and sleeping.
It was disturbing. You try waking up in the middle of the night with your bed moving and not be able to know why. That and the auditory hallucinations. THOSE are creepy. I can never actually make out words, but it's like it's right by my ear. They're raspy and are probably only my head against the pillow, but my GOD does it scare the bejeebus out of me.
That and all my dreams were like I was actually living them. They were realistic and I never knew where I was or where I was supposed to be, or what I was supposed to be doing. Luckily my mommy was in my dream, so she helped a little bit.
I'm sure there will be more posts on this subject, so stay tuned. But for right now I'm going to scare off my willies and try and not be so shaky.
Until Next Time, Dear Readers
Me.
Last night I had about four or five episodes, scattered between dreaming and sleeping.
It was disturbing. You try waking up in the middle of the night with your bed moving and not be able to know why. That and the auditory hallucinations. THOSE are creepy. I can never actually make out words, but it's like it's right by my ear. They're raspy and are probably only my head against the pillow, but my GOD does it scare the bejeebus out of me.
That and all my dreams were like I was actually living them. They were realistic and I never knew where I was or where I was supposed to be, or what I was supposed to be doing. Luckily my mommy was in my dream, so she helped a little bit.
I'm sure there will be more posts on this subject, so stay tuned. But for right now I'm going to scare off my willies and try and not be so shaky.
Until Next Time, Dear Readers
Me.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Of Shoes and Ships and Ceiling Wax...
Of cabbages and kings...
Yes I know, Alice. Thank you :)
My genetic seasonal agoraphobia has kicked in a little early this year. Normally I don't see it until it starts getting dark around 6 or so. I got it from my mother, who finds it difficult to leave the house in the evenings when it's dark and cold. Normally this isn't an issue, since I rarely leave the house in the evenings anyway. However, since I've signed myself up for a night class this semester, it's become something of an issue.
I've been having some strange dreams recently. I think they're mostly strange because they're super-long, epic-story-types and that I remember them.
Last night there was magic and dragon-men and vampires and sex and other things that don't really make sense when itemized like this, but I remember, very vividly, being in a bathroom at one point (one of those gas station type deals with just the toilet and the sink), and that I needed to go out into the hall to face the dragon that was out there but I was fucking TERRIFIED of doing so, so I pressed myself up against the door and pretended to not exist, which didn't fool the dragon. He tapped on the door with his tail (don't ask me how I know, I just do) and I was like "Someone's in here!" Like he was just asking to use the toilet. At some point I left the bathroom and he was gorgeous and he wasn't bad or mean or evil or anything I'd been led to believe up until that point about dragon men. And then of course, he held me close and was very safe and comforting and I'm pretty sure it was at about this point in the dream that I realized that in real life I was sleeping. I continued dreaming of course, but it was a weird state of "oh yeah, I'm not actually awake. That's fine then."
The night before was of royalty and castles and locking people into rooms and love and forbidden love, and churches and kings and rollercoasters and a confessional and...yeah. Idk, apparently I am very, very fantastical when I dream. Also, romance novel-y.
It's hard for me to explain my dreams when I have them and I remember them. Because I can only visually remember them and I can't come up with the words to describe what's happening in my dreams. I feel like I'm describing a Picasso to a blind man. He's never going to understand because I'm not sure it really even makes sense to me. To him, I'm crazy and to me, he's just not in my head so he won't ever understand.
Have you ever described a dream to someone and halfway through your description, you realize you're retarded?
Yeah, I feel like that about now.
Until Next Time, Dear Readers,
Me.
Yes I know, Alice. Thank you :)
My genetic seasonal agoraphobia has kicked in a little early this year. Normally I don't see it until it starts getting dark around 6 or so. I got it from my mother, who finds it difficult to leave the house in the evenings when it's dark and cold. Normally this isn't an issue, since I rarely leave the house in the evenings anyway. However, since I've signed myself up for a night class this semester, it's become something of an issue.
I've been having some strange dreams recently. I think they're mostly strange because they're super-long, epic-story-types and that I remember them.
Last night there was magic and dragon-men and vampires and sex and other things that don't really make sense when itemized like this, but I remember, very vividly, being in a bathroom at one point (one of those gas station type deals with just the toilet and the sink), and that I needed to go out into the hall to face the dragon that was out there but I was fucking TERRIFIED of doing so, so I pressed myself up against the door and pretended to not exist, which didn't fool the dragon. He tapped on the door with his tail (don't ask me how I know, I just do) and I was like "Someone's in here!" Like he was just asking to use the toilet. At some point I left the bathroom and he was gorgeous and he wasn't bad or mean or evil or anything I'd been led to believe up until that point about dragon men. And then of course, he held me close and was very safe and comforting and I'm pretty sure it was at about this point in the dream that I realized that in real life I was sleeping. I continued dreaming of course, but it was a weird state of "oh yeah, I'm not actually awake. That's fine then."
The night before was of royalty and castles and locking people into rooms and love and forbidden love, and churches and kings and rollercoasters and a confessional and...yeah. Idk, apparently I am very, very fantastical when I dream. Also, romance novel-y.
It's hard for me to explain my dreams when I have them and I remember them. Because I can only visually remember them and I can't come up with the words to describe what's happening in my dreams. I feel like I'm describing a Picasso to a blind man. He's never going to understand because I'm not sure it really even makes sense to me. To him, I'm crazy and to me, he's just not in my head so he won't ever understand.
Have you ever described a dream to someone and halfway through your description, you realize you're retarded?
Yeah, I feel like that about now.
Until Next Time, Dear Readers,
Me.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
What do you do when...
Your roommates leave their pets outside on a hot day? I really wish I didn't have to know.
I want to bring them in, but GL and I have been told to just leave them where they are when their owners leave because they'll be back soon (ish). Soon by their standards is not soon by ours.
Especially on hot days like today. I don't really even care that they have fleas or anything. One of them is a chihuahua and is on a line that just barely reaches shade. I had to BRING THEM water, because it wasn't already put out there with them.
I just don't understand how people can think this is OK. This is NOT okay. Funny thing is, if they saw animals being treated like this on a TV show, they would think "how cruel are those owners?" and immediately want to save them.
It's the SAME. GODDAMN. THING. You cannot just leave your dogs outside, no matter for how long you're gone, without giving them water or some sort of shelter if it rains or gets too hot.
...
I'm just...I'm thisclose to bringing them inside anyway, because it breaks my fucking heart to see them not being taken care of like they need to be.
Fuck...I'm gonna cry now...
This is so goddamn frustrating.
Until Next Time, Dear Readers.
Me.
I want to bring them in, but GL and I have been told to just leave them where they are when their owners leave because they'll be back soon (ish). Soon by their standards is not soon by ours.
Especially on hot days like today. I don't really even care that they have fleas or anything. One of them is a chihuahua and is on a line that just barely reaches shade. I had to BRING THEM water, because it wasn't already put out there with them.
I just don't understand how people can think this is OK. This is NOT okay. Funny thing is, if they saw animals being treated like this on a TV show, they would think "how cruel are those owners?" and immediately want to save them.
It's the SAME. GODDAMN. THING. You cannot just leave your dogs outside, no matter for how long you're gone, without giving them water or some sort of shelter if it rains or gets too hot.
...
I'm just...I'm thisclose to bringing them inside anyway, because it breaks my fucking heart to see them not being taken care of like they need to be.
Fuck...I'm gonna cry now...
This is so goddamn frustrating.
Until Next Time, Dear Readers.
Me.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Already, Today is Looking Up
Yes, I realize it's a little late in the day to be posting something with that sort of title, but I couldn't think of another way to put how today has gone.
Today is Wednesday, and, as I have informed you previously, usually Wednesdays kick my ass. All over the place.
The fact that I have been chatted up by a serial tickler on a dating website and got to class without too much incident, today is still one of my better Wednesdays.
It has occurred to me, over the past couple of Wednesdays, that the days will indeed be getting shorter as the seasons march onwards, and that the parkinglot that I am required to park in for this class only as a few lightposts, half of which are on the far side of the lot, and the ones closest to the building are already crowded around by people who aren't even sticking around until dark. As a young woman, when I leave class, I'm positively terrified that someone's going to jump out from behind a parked car and attack me. Since I'm a relatively shy person, I'm almost more terrified to ask someone to walk me to my car (preferably an intimidating looking man, but any sort of buddy will do in the buddy-system). Hopefully someone will notice that I usually leave the building alone in the dark and will take pity on me and start walking me to my car just out of niceness and not because I'm scared of what's in the dark.
Until Next Time, Dear Readers
Me
Today is Wednesday, and, as I have informed you previously, usually Wednesdays kick my ass. All over the place.
The fact that I have been chatted up by a serial tickler on a dating website and got to class without too much incident, today is still one of my better Wednesdays.
It has occurred to me, over the past couple of Wednesdays, that the days will indeed be getting shorter as the seasons march onwards, and that the parkinglot that I am required to park in for this class only as a few lightposts, half of which are on the far side of the lot, and the ones closest to the building are already crowded around by people who aren't even sticking around until dark. As a young woman, when I leave class, I'm positively terrified that someone's going to jump out from behind a parked car and attack me. Since I'm a relatively shy person, I'm almost more terrified to ask someone to walk me to my car (preferably an intimidating looking man, but any sort of buddy will do in the buddy-system). Hopefully someone will notice that I usually leave the building alone in the dark and will take pity on me and start walking me to my car just out of niceness and not because I'm scared of what's in the dark.
Until Next Time, Dear Readers
Me
Sunday, September 4, 2011
I Look Like A Pirate Right Now.
And I thought you guys should know.
I'm not sure if it's the fact that my hair is kind of messy and I'm wearing earrings or if I'm always this much of a badass and I just don't usually notice it.
It's probably the fact that I'm always a badass, actually. You know, now that I think of it and all.
I hope that's not intimidating for any of you. Really, despite the badassery over here, I'm a nice person! I swear!
But in all seriousness, I could totally kick your ass. You know, if I wanted to.
It's just the earrings, don't worry. I haven't taken them out yet, because I like feeling like a badass, curled up in my bed and reading Star Trek porn on the internet. But yeah, thought you guys'd be interested in knowing that I'm actually kind of really fucking cool.
Until Next Time, Dear Readers
Me.
I'm not sure if it's the fact that my hair is kind of messy and I'm wearing earrings or if I'm always this much of a badass and I just don't usually notice it.
It's probably the fact that I'm always a badass, actually. You know, now that I think of it and all.
I hope that's not intimidating for any of you. Really, despite the badassery over here, I'm a nice person! I swear!
But in all seriousness, I could totally kick your ass. You know, if I wanted to.
It's just the earrings, don't worry. I haven't taken them out yet, because I like feeling like a badass, curled up in my bed and reading Star Trek porn on the internet. But yeah, thought you guys'd be interested in knowing that I'm actually kind of really fucking cool.
Until Next Time, Dear Readers
Me.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Why Must The Girl Always Be The Bad Guy?
...
No really. Please, let me know if you have the answer. Why must we always be "the bitch?" Or "the dirty ho-bag." Why are we always painted as the villain? Why is this the social norm?
Why can't I have been doing something nice, something thoughtful, something not self-centered for once? Why can't I be a fish out of water in a new situation that I realize I don't want to be in, and I try and fix it so as not to hurt him?
Why can't we just assume people are doing it for good reasons? Why must it always be a bad thing that people don't work out as a couple?
Why should my best friend have to break up with her boyfriend because he doesn't treat her right, and have to be painted as the crazy bitch who broke up with him via text because he wouldn't wake up because he was sick?
Why should I have to be painted as someone with commitment issues when all I was doing was realizing that I wasn't as attracted to the guy as I wanted to be, but since he was a nice guy, I didn't want to lead him on?
Why?
Why is it that when these things happen, us girls sit and cry over the issue, because we're "the bad guys" and really, it should be the GUYS who are crying over it. We shouldn't have to worry about what he's going to tell his friends about us. We shouldn't have to stay in a relationship so he can break up with us when he finally reaches the same page.
I fucking hate our society right now. This is ridiculous. It shouldn't be like this. And yet, I find more and more that it is, and that I can't change it alone.
We need to start assuming people are doing things for the right reasons, and not for the wrong ones.
Please. Please, just...help me with this, because I can't stand the thought of another girl out there who is being painted as some crazy scary person because she wants to do the right thing in the relationship and end it. It's not worth it.
It's not.
Until next time,
Me
No really. Please, let me know if you have the answer. Why must we always be "the bitch?" Or "the dirty ho-bag." Why are we always painted as the villain? Why is this the social norm?
Why can't I have been doing something nice, something thoughtful, something not self-centered for once? Why can't I be a fish out of water in a new situation that I realize I don't want to be in, and I try and fix it so as not to hurt him?
Why can't we just assume people are doing it for good reasons? Why must it always be a bad thing that people don't work out as a couple?
Why should my best friend have to break up with her boyfriend because he doesn't treat her right, and have to be painted as the crazy bitch who broke up with him via text because he wouldn't wake up because he was sick?
Why should I have to be painted as someone with commitment issues when all I was doing was realizing that I wasn't as attracted to the guy as I wanted to be, but since he was a nice guy, I didn't want to lead him on?
Why?
Why is it that when these things happen, us girls sit and cry over the issue, because we're "the bad guys" and really, it should be the GUYS who are crying over it. We shouldn't have to worry about what he's going to tell his friends about us. We shouldn't have to stay in a relationship so he can break up with us when he finally reaches the same page.
I fucking hate our society right now. This is ridiculous. It shouldn't be like this. And yet, I find more and more that it is, and that I can't change it alone.
We need to start assuming people are doing things for the right reasons, and not for the wrong ones.
Please. Please, just...help me with this, because I can't stand the thought of another girl out there who is being painted as some crazy scary person because she wants to do the right thing in the relationship and end it. It's not worth it.
It's not.
Until next time,
Me
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