I once read that dogs communicate not only audibly through sounds that most of the time only they can pick up, but also through their excrement.
(Thought of a funny, and will share it now: Dogs are always shit-talkers!)
And not just the poo, but also their pee, too.
If you haven't guessed where I'm going with this by now, allow me to enlighten you.
Whenever your dog goes out to do their business, it's like they're checking facebook ("Oh my gosh, weirdest thing ever, there's a cat in my house!") or twitter ("Gottagogottagogottago--BIRD") or other social networking sites. Sometimes it's a bit like a dating site ("Hey, cute small dog from upstairs whose owner feeds her human food sometimes, you smell cute, do you like me too?"). Sometimes I swear it's an art site ("I will make this beautiful and others will comment on it" "Oh my gosh, that looks like shit! You're amazing!"). Other times, I think they might be blogging ("And over here I will tell them about such and such, here I will say this, and over here, I will post about a new theory about how humans use the internet like a potty and tell everyone about their days through small blurbs.")
I even have mock posts from a good portion of the dogs that live in our building.
The husky who lives downstairs, "Oh my GOD I fucking hate small dogs, must kill must kill must kill, etc"
The puppy who lives with the husky, "There are things, in the skyyyyyyy and I'm not sureeeee, I've sung about it already, but I don't know what I'm supposed to doooooooo, and I smell other dogs, but I don't knoooooooowww"
The old beagle who lives downstairs, "Oh how I miss my days as a lounge singer, so I shall sing once more!" (To which there are THOUSANDS of comments from the other dogs on how she should just stop, there's a reason she had to keep her day job, etc.)
The chihuahua who lives in our apartment, "......" Give him some slack, he's like an old guy trying to learn facebook to keep in touch with his grandchildren and just not having it work at all. Also, he pees inside for no good reason.
The puppy who also lives in our apartment, "Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, etc." (She just wants to be loved) Also sometimes she probably does the whole posting of a sad emo song lyric to show how much she wants to be loved.
The Maggie-doggy who is the bestest in the whole world, "Had the worst day ever, Mommy left me for HOURS. Had the best day ever, Mommy came back!" (she's prone to swings like that when "Mommy" is gone)
And the dog who's living upstairs for now while its parents are hiding from floodwaters from the hurricane, "Hi, I'm new here, be my friend?"
I have no life, as I'm sure you've figured out.
In the end, the next time you're frustrated with your dog taking so long to sniff everything outside while they're out to do their business, remember: Your dog is patient when you check your facebook, be patient while they check theirs.