Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Update on my life

Well look at me go, typing out a blog post.

I would apologize for not updating here more, but then it occurs to me that this is my blog and I don't have to care what other people think about it. It's a nice realization to come to.

Been on a weird roller coaster recently, as far as emotional states go. Frankly, it's kind of obnoxious because this is unscheduled emotional roller coaster time, and therefore I have not been prepared. Luckily, it seems to be evening out.

So, I want to tell you all about this guy I met recently.

It was about two weeks ago or so that I went to a party with my roommates.  They're really awesome guys, my roommates. They let me tag along with them to places they go on weekends, and I think that's really swell. If I went more places I would invite them along with me. But alas, tis not so.

Anyway, so I went to this party and everyone, they were kind of-- no wait, that's a Kate Nash song. "We Get On" I believe.  Moving on, I didn't know anyone but my two roommates, but that was cool because I was for whatever reason just really chill that night, being all relaxed like a normal person around new people I didn't know. It helped that we were the first people to arrive and I got to already be part of the action before the action really started.  That's very reassuring for me. I haven't missed anything and I'm not jumping in the middle of something I wasn't already a part of. And everyone was really nice, including me into conversations and I was able to be my snarky little self what with my side commentary mostly under my breath about things I think are silly in the conversation, and people liked it!

It was a nice change from what I've accustomed myself to, when I'm in public. I don't know why I let myself hang around with people who didn't appreciate my presence for so long, and it's been a journey to letting myself open up faster with people, but it's going well I think.

So I was having a good time, I was a little tipsy, and there was this really funny guy, who also happened to be really cute, and we totally got along.  Now, I have come to the understanding with myself that I don't really have "sexual attraction" to people, and I've also come to realize that I just really don't like kissing people. It's gotten to the point where I can't even watch kisses on tv and in movies. It makes me cringe and I get all these weird sense-memories of kisses I've had and it makes my skin crawl a bit. I don't like it, and it's absolutely and completely fine that I don't like it, because it's no one's business but my own. However, other people don't always understand this, and so sometimes I have to explain it to them -- especially if we're both drunkies and they want to kiss me (which hasn't happened very often, so it was a new situation that I feel like I handled very well).

Anyway, he was funny and friendly, and we ended up leaning on one another for balance -- well, I was leaning on him, he didn't seem to mind though, so I'm not going to freak out about it.

We met up the next night to watch a movie in my living room -- Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, if you must know. And he didn't try any funny business! It's a fucking miracle! At the party we'd discussed that I was not interested in ANY sex WHATSOEVER, and he was just like, "that's totally cool, we can hang out as friends and if anything happens, romantically, it happens. If it doesn't, then we're friends and all is well." Which is something I feel is very difficult to get from guys.

We haven't talked much since, but I've been busy and only bothered trying to text him first once, and he mentioned something about being swamped at work, so I get it. I don't feel pressured to try and keep his interest, if he wants to hang out, he can let me know. I don't really do anything anyway, and if I'm busy, I've gotten much better at saying no to things I can't actually do, or don't want to do.  It's progress!

And then of course, the creeping crud that's been going around my family caught up to me, and I wasn't feeling very good last week, which was not at all helped by my sudden drop into self-pity and moroseness, but I'm apparently feeling better now. I'm definitely in need of a grand adventure, but I don't think any wizard or madman in a blue box is going to come take me on one, so I might just have to get out there and do adventuring on my own.  It can't be too difficult, right?

Until Next Time, Dear Readers!

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