I haven't been on here a lot recently, and I apologize for that.
My life has been swallowed by tumblr. I'm not sorry for that, because it has let me open up about myself in ways I cannot here. The only reason I cannot open up here like that is because I have family who might be seeing this, and I'm still unsure as to the welcome I would receive with a lot of my opinions. And if nothing else I want to be accepted by someone. And if I have to change the way I am perceived around certain groups of people to do so, I am apparently not above that.
And Tumblr is one of the places I can be myself. Because no one there is anyone I know personally. Well okay, so I know one or two people personally, but one of them is my BFF ever, GL, and the other one...well I'm not entirely sure he ever knew who I was anyway. But my parents wouldn't understand, my sister doesn't understand, the rest of my family wouldn't understand...and that upsets me to no end.
And I dislike that I'm not like this around those people because it makes me feel duplicitous. It makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong with my life when I cannot express how I really feel about a subject on a "public" forum where people I know can see my world views because most of them would be opposed to it.
I hope this makes sense, I've been drunk for a while and I"m not entirely sure I make any sense any more.
I took ten minutes to figure out how to spell duplicitous. on google. How fucking crazy is that?
I just...I just wish I were as open in the real world as I am on my private "anonymous" blog.
I have to remember that people are going to judge me whatever I do. And none of it is any of my cause. They can judge as they wish, that's their problem, not mine.
I wish I weren't as messed up as I am. I wish I didn't have as many issues as I really do. Because it would make it so much easier to ignore what people say about certain things if I wasn't directly affected by them...
I'm sorry guys, I just...I'm drunk.
Until Next Time,