I want to disclaim something from my last post I should have mentioned while writing it. The only made-up phrase used to describe something from yesterday that I DID NOT CREATE was the term "land yacht."
I don't own it, I didn't create it -- in fact I'm pretty sure I stole it from Top Gear.
Oh, and you may be wondering why you're getting a blog post during my first class of the day on a Friday. Yeah, that was cancelled. Which works out for me (I guess?) because now I have a whole hour free until my next class.
Remember PC, the newest of my additions to my initial-alias deal? Politically Correct (?)? Him? Yeah...I need to...need to say some things to him and this is going to have to do until I can...I can work up the nerve to say it to him personally.
So here it goes. PC, you're a very sweet guy when you aren't unintentionally insulting me (I know you didn't mean it like that, but as a girl with low self esteem, it's hard to erase from my memory). But you have a lot of baggage I can't handle, and I understand you like me and will probably defend how you interact with me by just trying to be my friend. However, knowing that you like me a lot more than I will ever like you doesn't make it easy for me to accept the interaction.
No, wait, let me finish. Please.
I've never had many friends. I'm just not good at it. I really am not. I only get by with the few I have because I limit my interactions with them to what I deem appropriate based on our level of knowledge of one another. NT and I, we have a very...ah, interesting relationship. GL and I are as close as girls who aren't family can be without being lesbians.
And quite frankly, PC, I just don't know you that well. And with the knowledge that you think I'm good enough to settle for as far as your feelings (Don't--just don't.) based on whatever poor self image YOU have, I just don't think I can handle trying to be your friend, even with as little interaction we have.
I'm just a nice person. This doesn't mean I like you any more than I like the old lady sitting next to me right now. I'm sorry if this classifies me (somehow?) as a bitch, or as just another girl who has "friendzoned" you. But see, friendzoning is a tricky thing. Because it is inherently a faulty statement. I can't friendzone you. You friendzone yourself by your attitude to the fact that I. Only. Want. To. Be. Friends.
Please understand this. So, if you wouldn't mind just backing off. Maybe completely entirely? I can't handle the guilt I feel after getting annoyed seeing a notification from you or an attempt at contact from you. Because I know you wouldn't look at me twice if you didn't think you had some sort of a chance at something because I'M A NICE PERSON.
I just...I just can't. Okay? And the worst part about all of this is that I shouldn't even feel any sort of guilt for writing this because you will completely disappear from my life for a month (no notifications on my things, no text messages) and then all at once you start immersing yourself in my business and I feel bombarded. You need some moderation. Or to spread it out. Or just to back off. Because I'm tired of dealing with this. I'm sorry if you read this and know who you are and think I'm a coward or a bitch or any of those other nasty words you may want to use to describe me because I'm a person and I have feelings too. But I waited this long because I was trying NOT to hurt YOUR feelings, and in the end, it sucked more for me and you didn't get anything out of it anyway.
Okay, Okay, I'm posting this before I lose my nerve and delete everything.
Until Next Time, Dear Readers,