Monday, August 27, 2012

A Post About A Post To Hide A Post

Since I have recently given this link to a fairly large number of people in the past few hours or so (well, okay, I put it in a slightly more accessible place, but it's highly unlikely that those people will actually check out this particular page) I figured I'd get the depressing stuff off the front page.

I've been listening to The Vespers for the past hour and a half or so.  They've got this incredible, haunting sound and their songs just hit home with me.  I'd go on about how I'd love to have a band and be a singer, but let's face it, I just don't have the voice for it.  You know, whatever.

The only way I'm able to listen to music non-stop these days is to draw or write while I listen (unless I'm driving).  And I've had the worst writer's block, so up until I started writing this, I was drawing.  I'm trying this abstract thing.  It works out okay, but I find myself a little limited by the fact that I don't have the color spectrum I'd like to use in the mediums I'd prefer to use.  But that's my own fault, so maybe the next time I'm at Wal*Mart I'll get some.

I'd actually written a post a few nights ago, and for some reason I was unable to post it or save it on here, and since it's not exactly completely relevant now, you might never get to see it (at least until the next time I open up my chat on Facebook and feel the same lack of courage).

I'm finding myself having to become very independent very quickly.  And yes, I do write that as a necessity.  I'd love to be codependent again, but alas, there is no one there for me to be codependent on, so I must stand on my own two feet through all my ups and downs.  It's not exactly easy.  Honestly, most days I feel like collapsing.  But I'm managing.  And I suppose that's the first step.

And I've been praying a lot recently, too.  It mostly looks like I'm talking out loud to myself, but that's because it is QUIET when you don't have anyone else to talk to but God.  So I've just started a running commentary to God.  I figure at the very least, it's gotta be somewhat amusing for Him.  He probably has a lot of sad prayers a lot, so if I'm giving something slightly ridiculous or redundant or obvious, He can at least chuckle a little and pat my spirit's head and say "oh you're so funny, keep going, I'm going to deal with this issue in Darfur or somewhere else very important in a lot of trouble, but I'm still listening." It's thinking like that that keeps me going, sometimes.  At least someone is, right?  Even when I'm all by myself, God's right there, listening to my little commentary about the world around me, no matter what it is.  And it's easier like that.

But it's helped me sleep better and helped me process my thoughts better, and I've come to several realizations recently about issues that previously didn't make any sense to me at all.  So it must be paying off, right?

I also quit smoking a few weeks ago.  It wasn't terribly difficult for me, but then again, I hadn't been smoking that long.  And I'll tell you what, I've noticed a 180° difference.  So if you can stick it out, do it.  It won't be easy, I'm not saying that, but you'll notice you feel better, and you can see the world in a whole new light.  (I'll only briefly touch on the fact that I even smoked is probably a revelation in and of itself to many of you, because I kept it quiet because it wasn't something I was proud of.  Which is a whole other reason to quit; if you aren't proud of it, and you deliberately hide it because you're ashamed, don't do it.)

As some of you might know already, my air conditioning in my car hasn't worked for the entire summer.  Which, admittedly wasn't always fun, but since most of the time I prefer to drive with my window down, having the A/C on is a little redundant in the first place, so it actually took a really long time to notice (and my Dad, and my best friend and anyone else who rode in my car, which isn't many which is why it took so long, to point it out).  So I managed, but I'm getting it fixed tonight.  Hopefully that's the only thing left to do on the Aluminum Falcon, other than the 3000 mile checkups that need to happen regardless, so that'll be nice.

What else?  there's gotta be other stuff that's happened since my last post that you all need to hear about...

Oh well, if there is anything, I guess I'll just put up another post.  I expect you can expect several of these throughout the semester, since this is one of my favorite things to do while waiting for class to start.  Of course, that might have to wait until the 10th, since my first class was cancelled and is now an online class, and my second class' professor will be out of town the rest of this week, then next week we have labor day and he'll be out of town that Wednesday too... So we'll see.

Until Next Time, Dear Readers,

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