Tuesday, July 19, 2011

You Want To Know Something That Men Don't Know?

Women.  Specifically women on their periods.

If I had any male readers left, I have now lost them all.  Except for the weirdos, but, since this is the internet, that's OK.

Anyway, I bring this up because I myself am a woman.  Well, more or less.  I have all the lady-parts and I experience the monthly cycle described above.  ANYWAY, moving on:

I am a woman and my father is a man.  However, he should be one of the most qualified men for raising two daughters, since he grew up with only his mother and his younger sister, then married a woman with a sister, then proceeded to have two daughters.  The poor man lacks a little testosterone in his life, but you would think he'd have the best grasp on the female mindset after all these years.


If one of the women in our family decides to speak to the man while she is on her monthly cycle, she is likely to notice that he doesn't quite grasp the concept of "Yes, of course you're right.  Chocolate?"  No, instead he proceeds to speak with you as though it is any other time of the month, especially if he's got a bone to pick with you on a certain subject.

This always leads to tears and shouting and never on his part.  Also, angry faces.

He simply doesn't grasp that there is a HEEEuuuuge difference between the mind of a woman during her period and the mind of the same woman any other time.  We are irrational creatures, with a penchant for pettiness and for wanting things our way, all the time.  We are cranky easily, things irk us more and quicker, and nothing seems to be going the way we want it to, because of said irrationality.

One cannot speak rationally to a woman on her period, and men don't understand this.  They just go about their lives with not a care in the world for how annoyed or upset we are.  Very few men can be trained to accommodate the needs of a woman during her period, and fewer try to train them.  All they need to be taught is to agree with us for one week (all I'm asking is one week) during the month when we seem to be our most irrational, and then to give us chocolate at random points, maybe when they feel they've had to agree an exorbitant amount and are tired of listening to us whine and complain.  Chocolate works very well for shutting women up, since our mouths are otherwise occupied.

Or at the very least, avoid us and don't speak to us unless spoken to, and only then to say "yes, of course."  And always lie to us about the important things while we are on our periods.  It's most helpful.

...I'm pretty sure that's it.  I'm only rational and clear-headed and not totally ranting, mostly teaching, right now, because I'm not on my period while I write this.  So, yes, indeed.  Keep to the basics: Agree, offer chocolate, don't speak unless spoken to, and just leave us alone, and you should be A-OK.

Until Next Time, Dear Readers

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